So Far And Yet So Close

I met him on a hot summer day in April 2005 in Baguio City. He is such a good man, talented, good-looking, smart and oh, let me tell you this, I love his sense of humor…a lot! For me, nothing is more tiresome than a humorless person. I always burst out laughing every time we talk, goodness! He’s always got something nice to say. He’s always up for a laugh-not least at himself- he can surely ruminate amusingly about any subject you care to bring up. He is a clown in times of milk and honey and everyone’s counsel in times of distress. I came to admire him as a person. I admire his kindness, dedication to his job, fortitude and strength.

Eventually, we became good friends. “Hi, She, kumusta? You are so pretty!”, he used to say. I would say, “Ows? Are you talking to me? D’you say that to all the girls?” He will smile and say..”Errr…errr…what…nooo naman, sa’yo lang, promise!” “Hmp! Bola!” I’d snort back and walk away. He never forgets to call every time he gets a chance. “Hello She, na miss ko boses mo ah, are you okay?” he would ask. “Ha ha! Talaga lang? I’m doing great, thank you,” goes my usual answer. He always initiate a topic at ‘di namin namamalayan isang oras na kaming nagbobolahan. We talked about our younger days, about our work, experiences, current events, movies, well, everything. Name them, napag-usapan na namin! At this point we have developed our friendship in a deeper sense. There is trust and respect for each other. He is the only person with whom I can share my dreams - what I’m going through - about my feelings, fears and frustrations. Talking to him lifts up my spirit. During that time, I was still on the process of picking up my shattered self and fixing my broken heart caused by someone na walang ginawa kundi manakit. For a year, absolutely nothing, no one, no words or expression could repair what was broken in my heart or could bring back what I believed was taken from me. But there he was. He made me smile again. He’s always there whenever I need someone to talk and turn to. He always listens without judging what he heard. He encouraged and comforted me and helped me see life in a renewed perspective. And then it’s time for me to go back to Hong Kong. There were those times when he tried to express his feelings. He would send me text messages like “what I admire most in a woman are beauty, brain and principles, you’ve got them all”. Or some forwarded sweet messages but I just laugh at them and took them as a joke. Sometimes he will invite me to attend special events etc. well, I just ignored everything and then I started avoiding him. We are good friends and I don’t want our friendship to be ruined because I feel that we are better friends than lovers? I dunno! feel ko lang… I’ve tried to avoid him for months and months and months and he kept on calling and sending me text messages - “bakit ‘di ka na nagpaparamdam, She? Galit ka ba? I miss you!”.

After sometime, I cut my number off, went back to the Philippines for a vacation without informing him. I stayed in Manila most of the time so as to avoid seeing him for we are from the same town. But what a small world, of all places, of all people, could you believe that we’ve crossed ways? “She!” he called out. I turned around and saw him. He never changed a bit. He’s still that charming and smart guy I met about 2 years ago. The one who makes me laugh, encourages me, comforts me and loves me as no one else could. We hug each other at kinuha niya ang number ko. Then he called me the following day. We saw each other and he invited me to his place for dinner. There was no further discussion about my long silence, what matters most he said was that, right at that moment I was with him. He gently held my hands and kissed me so passionately and I’ve found myself wholeheartedly kissing him back, surrendering my heart and soul.

“I thought, I will never feel this way again, you bring so much happiness into my life and so much love into my heart, I’m so afraid to love you, I really am. Okay lang ba na kalimutan mo na lang ako?” I told him. But he shot back: Hey, of you think na makakawala ka pa, you are wrong, kay tagal kitang hinintay, umasang makita ka at nangarap na makasama at ngayon sasabihin mo na kalimutan kita? No way! Then right there and then, we started planning for our future…yeah, that fast! We spend the remaining days together before my flight back to HK and he was heading somewhere too. We have so much fun, we laugh at the same thing. We spend the night out, strolling, listening to a live band, we both love music, art, nature and adventures; yeah, we have lots of things in common.

As we lay in bed one night, I told him what I like most in a man. “First of all, dapat may sense of humor, well-experienced, well-traveled, talented, bolero, sinungaling and you know what - you’ve got them all.” He laughed so hard it tickled me to death. Then parting time came. He sent me to the airport and said goodbye. We both knew it’s going to be difficult, we just need to trust and love each other. We agreed that communication is a must. He called me everyday and we sent each other messages through letters, emails, and SMS but the most wonderful thing about our relationship are those sweet memories that we both share while we’re apart. Our hearts are in such a whirl of happy moments and the thought that every day bring us a little closer assures us that this separation won’t last forever. Sometimes two people find that no matter how close they are and how much they love each other, life’s road will take them in different directions… at least for a while.

To you sweetheart, thank you for loving me as I am. I love the way you caress my soul, the way we dream about us. This is it - no turning back! I love the sweetest thing you do and how you are so kind, patient and understanding. Thanks for cheering me up, you always make my day. I miss the way we laugh together with our silly jokes and stories. I appreciate the way you make me feel and the way you make me whole. I like the way you say “I love you” that reaches my heart down to my soul.

Author: Shirley Tamayo

*Published in TF Newsmag (August 2008 issue)