The Departed

The loving support of family and friends helped but the ache of loss could not be assuaged. In a birthday party 5 weeks after the burial of one that has been called to heaven, Kongkong (grandpa), my lady boss’ father is still sorrowing over the death of a brother, his best friend for 72 years.

While writers and philosophers have given their best to provide weighty arguments in favor of life after death, they have not succeeded in bringing comfort to the aching, anxious, questioning hearts. What does grieving mean to OFW families whose love ones have died? Just recently a town-mate flew home to arrange the funeral of her husband who died in a painful road accident. A few months ago, an 8 years old child was reunited with her mother after 5 long years of separation only not in a garden of joy but in an ocean of grief…the OFW mom committed suicide. And this year also, a friend working in Singapore lost the last member of her immediate family, her father, leaving her an orphan.

Every 2 long-agonizing years most OFWs take vacation anticipating a happy family reunion. However, deep frustrations and despair arise when the time comes that the people we look forward to be with are no longer available… gone to rest or somewhere not within our reach. The pain of missing or of grieving loved ones isn’t in their absence but it’s when we think of the best times we shared with them.

28 years ago when both of my grandparents died, I thought all the rest of my world were buried dead with them. But I discovered that their presence never departed me. In my long journey, their love enfolds me as though they stand beside me. With time, their thoughts served as steps, my inspiration, my redeemer when days are dull, difficult, or seemingly dying. Along with them there are beautiful souls whose presence had gone but remain forever as part of my existence. They were the people who gave me greater worth and purpose of living – a life of discovery, of teachings and treasures. Ms. Linda Layosa, a wonderful writer, mentor, and friend, my first believer of the gift of writing, who said: “When you have passion, your pen will be restless ’til inkless, by then still you are not thoughtless”. Elvie Oriente, a soul connection, a sisterhood bond that mutually gave us strength and devotion to family responsibility. Unconditional friendship and more from Suzette Cangayda, a brave cancer patient, blackbelt martial artist who influenced me and others the enthusiasm in sports, making our spirits soar like olympic champions, as twice basketball and volleyball team winners. Bro. Jhun Tindaan, Sis.flor Cristal,Sis. Meling Labo, Sis.Mareng Mea, lovable people who shared to me not just the gift of faith likewise - generosity, humility and servanthood.

Late afternoon one weekend, I was sitting by the window of the First Ferry churning its way from Hong Kong Pier across the Victoria Harbour to Discovery Bay. As towering buildings in Central receded in sight, I pondered that everything in the world around us is subject to decline. Plants wither and die, concrete century-old buildings are gradually being eaten away by the gnawing tooth of time. Daily, our bodies grow old and lose youth and vitality. Everything changes, nothing is permanent, just as time shifts from sunrise to sunset, and we from birth to death.

If things don’t last and life is full of uncertainties, what is left for us? November commemorates All Souls and All Saints Day. We honor our departed families and friends by offering gifts, graveyard visitation or prayers. Within the bounds of our acquaintances, we remember individuals with thankfulness while we think negatively of others whose lives were spent in selfish pursuits. While our minds are flooded with recollection of them, we realize that time will come and each of us will also pass away – be a memory. What would others recall when they think of us? Are we happy and productive? Or physically healthy but spiritually dead?

In between sacrifice and waiting comes the biggest challenge that we OFWs face — time. But we can make this opportunity of time to right our wrong, to honor our family commitments, to dream as if there are no limits, to explore in spite of discouragements, to achieve even when we face many obstacles.

Dr. King said: To die is gain if we live and leave a trail of greatness”. Death is like a thief of the night, we never know when our time is up until it’s over. With good spirit, we can use the moment to live, share, ponder, enjoy God’s Blessings for every 60 seconds we spend is a minute of life gone we can never get back.

Early dawn today, I am mesmerized by an alarming message. It reads, “When I die, I wish marami ang makikipaglibing sa akin…” My thoughts gone wild as the words sink to me wondering if he’s sober, sleepless or undergoing difficult situation contemplating into something uncheerful — like suicide. Knowing him as a kind teacher, a fair businessman, an honest-charitable public servant, a person of great virtues, funeral attendance is out of the question. Unsure what to say I replied ”Make sure you die dignified, otherwise baka pati ako hindi makikipaglibing kung sakaling buhay pa ako…” He texted back, “Additional challenge? Life isn’t fun without them. So far I’m enjoying the tides and season. Happy All Souls Day Sis!”

Wow! Sounds glorious on November 1st, and oh ya!!! It’s his big day too, so it was a weird birthday wish after all. Well, I sent wishes and prayers before good thoughts, and time passes by. Can’t go back to sleep, so I lit candles for my beloved departed, reminiscing the old times, wondering how they are out there in heaven!

Author: Annabelle Libao

*Published in True Friends Newsmag (November 2008 issue)