Letting Go

I saw myself walking down the beach; my feet were touching the floury sand, hand in hand with the cold and lonely night.

I was all alone...

As another puff of freezing wind blew my face, tears start rolling down my cheeks. I wonder why I cried when I was alone.

I sat on the sand and pondered for answer but all I heard was silence. I could not understand why up to now I still have not learned to be alone. The tears I felt falling on my cheeks was profuse they rolled continuously.

Suddenly, I heard a voice calling. It called my name. I looked back. It was a blur, all I saw was a man from a distance waving to me. And as he drew near me, he smiled while putting his arms around my shoulders. I felt so weird, but I gave in, for I needed a friend at that time. We went walking with our hands clasped together. The grip of his hands was strong, so strong to catch me if I fall.

He led me to a house, full of daffodils around the ground. The scent of the fresh green grass swayed and danced in the wind. I felt the warm caress of the air as I entered the house full of glaring lights. My spirit exalted. The coldness I felt slowly faded as the warmth of joy greeted me.

He took my hand and showed me around the house. It was full of people dancing,with smiles gleaming on their faces. Everyone was happy and I was happy too.

I danced all night with the man I met on the beach. His eyes stared like an angel. Though he was a stranger, all that mattered was the gladness he gave me. He was like a prince, he held me differently, in my mind and in my heart, and I knew I would fall for him.

We stopped dancing, and went out from the house. He asked me to the grass while looking at the stars. He turned to me, as if he wanted to say something. He held my hand tightly, stroked my hair and touched my face. I gave him a bemusing look. Then the music from the house stopped. A big roar was heard from the sky, then, he placed his arms around me and gave a kiss and cheerful smile and said, "It's gonna be okay, I'm here!"

I closed my eyes to feel him and tried to retain this in my heart.

I opened my eyes and found myself lying in the beach. There was no house, no daffodils, no dancing people, and worst still, he was not there.

I thought I had him.... I was wrong. Tears began to roll down, I closed my eyes to stop them from falling and was startled because I felt his lips on my forehead. I opened my eyes excitedly. Only to find out he was not with me. Again, I am alone.

I closed my eyes again and felt his presence so passionately. Then, I woke up from my dream.

This morning, I understood why I needed to cry. It was the pain of letting go, of realizing that he was just a dream and can never be true.

I want to stay and wait for his presence but it is time for me to let go and accept that he was just a dream, my fantasy. Yet I am thankful, for in my loneliness he came and made me feel he was right for me -- forever in my dreams.

Author: Feme Delmonte